Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Doomsday Castle - Awful, with Eye Candy

Doomsday Castle is supposed to be about a family building a castle to prepare for the coming end of days, but it's not.

It's not about a family. I mean the family are characters in the drama (used loosely). It has the loony father, three daughters and two sons, and the mother will join in coming episodes, but aside from the son from another mother doing something stupid with a tractor to prove that he's not the sort to do something stupid with a tractor, the family dynamic doesn't enter into it much.

It's not about building a castle either. Last I checked, most castles avoid gaping holes in the walls...

Oh look, daddy put up a drawbridge next to our picture window.

Yes, they actually put up a drawbridge style door- oak planks with a thin skin of steel. They shot up some steel to make sure it was plenty tough to sheath the oak, but they failed to notice how the door sagged and bowed as it was being raised and lowered. Some cross bracing might help it survive if the tractor bonehead ever decides to hook a chain to it and use the tractor to pull it down (something tractors are actually good at).

And what the show is most certainly NOT about is doomsday prepping. I'm not a prepper, but if I were, I'd do a damn sight better job of it!

If you seriously think the end of days is coming and your best defense is a castle full of holes, are your top two priorities really to 1) build a drawbridge next to a gaping hole and 2) have your gun crazy neighbors do an attack simulation?

Do you really even want all your gun crazy neighbors to know you're hoarding crackers and peanut butter? Probably not after inviting them in to see your layout, escape routes and bunker entrance...

You don't build a castle if all you have to defend is a bunker full of crackers and peanut butter. If that's you're idea of prepping you'll probably be heading out soon enough. A bunker with rations and a 500 gallon water tank is a short term survival solution. Build a castle if you've got a longer term plan in mind.

Where's the orchard, the garden, the livestock, the homesteading gear? Why use peanut butter to lure a rat into bleach? You've just wasted protein - TWICE!

Doomsday Castle is an awful show, but it has some eye candy and it might take a lesson from Discovery's Gold Rush series and try to get better next season. Silly drama doesn't make reality shows interesting. In season two the Gold Rush crew actually tried mining and their audience swelled.

Keep the eye candy, lose the drama and do some real prepping and people will tune in.

And BTW, when is Ashley spinning off her own series? Doomsday Bikini could be a hit!

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