Tuesday, September 25, 2007

What is the Sexiest Halloween Costume?

Click Here for the 2010 Update on Sexy Halloween Costumes

Some of you aren't looking for women's Halloween costumes at all. Some of you have been looking for : Penis Costumes

Continuing our Halloween theme from last post, today we're going to raise the age old question (he said "raise" *Beevis and Butthead laugh*); what is the sexiest Halloween costume?

Yes, today we ask your opinion, share a few of our own and mostly ogle some sexy Halloween costumes including, nurses uniforms, pirate wenches, sluts, witches and cat girls! We've also got your shopping needs covered, as all of these and more are available online, shipped right to your door!

If you're looking for, or just have an opinion on hot, sexy cheerleader outfits, anime cosplay fun, sexy school girl halloween outfits, naughty cops and robbers, etc, this is the blog post for you.

BTW, I expect comments dammit! Let's hear your opinions!

First off, we have Wicked Temptations and a couple all time favorites:

1. Hello Nurse! Nurse Violet here sports a very nice spin on the classic sexy nurse outfit. Please knock on my door. I have candy...Sexy Nurse

Why are nurses so popular? Think sponge bath. There the classic care provider meets temptress...or something.

You gotta' love Violet, but there are many other classics, and many oddball categories to choose from as well. It's not going to be easy to choose, the review process may be daunting, even exhausting and voting subject to recount after recount, but I think we're up to the task.

School GirlThere's no way under the sun that we can do a sexy costume post without the ever popular sexy schoolgirl (was I numbering these?). Popular the world over, from the US to Europe to Japan and beyond, the school uniform, with its short skirt and high stockings shows just enough thigh to drive many to the point of distraction. Let's face it, it ain't Halloween without a schoolgirl or two (Or wow, even three!).

Also from Wicked, Mickie here is somewhat tame, but some of their school girl uniforms aren't even meant to leave the bedroom...

MaidNever one to be out done, Pierre Silber, master of fetish footwear and ultra high heels to the extreme, steps in with our sexy maid outfit. They call her "Maid in the USA", and while she ain't French, by gum can she clean and polish!

AliceMoon Costumes has a few categories of risque costumes, but nothing quite as extreme as Wicked or Pierre. Still, we do like Alice here. Anyone know where that looking glass went...? BA DUM DUM!

And she comes with her very own wWhite Rabbit. Not sure about those pills that make you larger though. BA DUM BUM! I kill me...

Strawberry ShortcakeFlirty Lingerie has perhaps my favorites of the season, so I'll close out there. Yes, I know I skipped female police officer, cat girl, pirate, football player, etc, but cripes, there are thousands to choose from and I don't have all day! So, without further adou (sp?), I now present my votes (Yes, I get two votes! It's my blog and I'll cheat if I wan to!):

Please note, they do their larger images in a silly manner, so you actually have to click "allow popups" to view. How stupid is that?

First off is Strawberry Shortcake (uh huh, that Strawberry Shortcake!)! Cartoon characters are an awesome choice for Halloween, especially when they're a very sexed up version of what was essentially a tuffet headed (like what Little Miss Muffet sat on while eating her curds and whey) little thing that was as far from sexy as it gets. It's freakin' Strawberry Shortcake!!!

Raggedy AnnSecond, is Raggedy Ann (I always thought it was Anne...?), who is pretty dang sexy in blue, especially with the frilly hat! Nope, not a bunny costume (even with the bum shake), but Raggedy Ann!

Now vote, damn you!

What is the sexiest Halloween costume?!?! And no, it's not flippin' Kevin Sorbo! Submit a comment below to vote.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Halloween is Coming

Are you...?

What is it, August? Yes it is, don't look it up...

Still, what better holiday is there than Halloween? And I don't really like candy!

Halloween is the perfect blend of the weird, the wild and the debaucherous. Costumes kill inhibitions faster than a fifth of Cuervo. What are you going to be for Halloween? What is the perfect costume? Where do you get the cool decorations?

If the following prosthetic baseball in the eye is any indication, check out Fright Catalog.


From the weird, to the creepy, to the truly frickin' cool, they've got it! They have pirate wench costumes, couples costumes, bunny outfits, Santa, super heros (don't think they have me yet), full sized attack alligators, special effects, life-sized bodies that thrash around inside hanging plastic bags, you name it!

If you want to throw the best Halloween party on the planet and seriously scare the crap out of your guests, grab your credit card and go shopping at Fright Catalog. It's like a nutter's paradise...

HA HA HA, I love it! Just looking for the severed penis prop - not seing it yet. Maybe it's a special order...

Monday, June 25, 2007

Ultimate Fighter Finale - Jens Pulver Vs. BJ Penn

Ultimate Fighter Lightweight just finished up and like the savvy marketers they are, the UFC crew tossed in a fight between the coaches, Prodigy BJ Penn and Little Evil Jens Pulver. They used the air time to flog the fuck out of the upcoming UFC, but it was still a sweet show.

Last time they did one of these freebies I was in Manchester and almost went to see it. Would've been great to see Bisbing (sp?) fight before a home crowd.

Anyway, this is about the Ultimate Fighter finale, so pfft to my ramblings... The series finished out with Manny Gamburyan and Nate Diaz (who I swear is at least 6% retarded), both from Pulver's team, squaring off. Both are fucking tough fighters, so aside from the 6% comment, I won't take anything away from either. Seriously though, the real draw of the finale was Pulver vs. Penn, so who cares if Nate is really 8% retarded...?

Before I get to BJ and Jens though, I best cover the under cards.

The first fight featured a newcomer in Doug Evans taking on a widely touted future contender in Roger Huerta. After watching the fight, I'd like to see Doug Evans come back and knock Huerta the fuck out! He won the first round easy, came back from a Huerta surge and started to win the second as well, but got caught in a position foreign to him and lost by ref stoppage. You can tell this kid is going to make some waves in the UFC. He's a wrestler, something like 7 time Alaska state champion, but he shows a lot more than just the wrestling pedigree. I'll bet on him next fight he has. Plus Huerta did all that "...I'd like to thank God for my win. Oh Jesus. Hail Mary full of grace." crap that I hate from professional athletes. Plus, I like Alaska better than Texas. Sue me...

The Thales Leites/Floyd Sword was pretty impressive. Floyd’s ability from his back and to regain guard against a tough Brazillian jujitsu practioner was uncanny, but Thales had the skills in the end and took the prize.

Gray Maynard was back fighting Rob Emerson, both from this season's show, and it was a truly WTF sorta' fight. Gray was beating the hell out of Emerson, winning the first round easy. Rob was holding his side at the end of one. He looked hurt. The second was looking like more of the same, and after a brutal slam early in the round Emerson tapped out. Gray rolls over and looks spent. A little bit later the ref declares the fight a no contest - Gary Maynard had knocked himself out during the slam! Wtf!?!? He wasn’t out cold, but he was a wobbly mess for sure. It's a tough call, but staring down the barrell of a tap out, I would've given Gray the fight.

Maynard was obviously pissed while Emerson talked about a rematch (is he nuts?)...

Next up was Joe Lauzon taking on Brandon Melendez. After Joe's last fight on the show I wasn't all that impressed. He looked a step slow and wary. This fight was a different story. He took the fight to Melendez in impressive fashion and finished it in the second via triangle choke. Finally got to see why he's such a touted fighter. He was impressive, but seriously, Joe "J-Lo" Lauzon, are you kidding? Why do all these UFC guys insist on having such stupid nicknames...?

Next up came another WTF fight - Nate 6% Diaz vs. Manny Gamburyan. I like his brother Nick, but Nate seems like a bit of a dick. He's a good fucking fighter, but I don't like the kid. Going into the fight I was pulling for “Manville the anvil” to pour it on and overwhelm Nate. It looked like it might go that route. Manny took round #1 without too much trouble. His submission defense was impressive and he was beatin' on Nate and dropping him to the canvas at will.

For those who are thinking it was similar to his fight with Gray Maynard where he locked in a submission, you're wrong. Manny's ground skills and submission defense were fluid and easy. Gray was defending submission attempt after submission attempt while Manny had pretty much shut off Nate's submission game.

Then the second (seems like the whole evening was decided in the second) comes along and Manny dislocates his shoulder shooting on Diaz - in just the first few seconds of the round - and taps out! Wtf?!?! To Nate's credit he didn’t look too stoked on the victory. I think he knew he was getting whooped and didn't to win with a questionable victory. At least he got a new nickname out of the deal...

That fight went quick so they tossed in another, Cole Miller against Andy Wang (the guy BJ kicked off his team). Miller took the fight, but I'm not sure either were all that impressive. The high kick was good, and Cole won the thing, but Wang sucked a bit. Why didn't he take it to the ground? As long as Cole was, he'd be easy to pretzel up on the ground, especially for a ground guy like Wang...

Finally, the fight of the night was up - Jens Pulver and BJ Penn! Before I get into the fight, I have to apologize to Jens. Sorry, Jens. Before the season I thought he was a bit of a dick. Hat on sideways, sunglasses on the back of the neck, moron type stuff, but throughout the season I started to respect the guy quite a bit. In the end he strikes me as a decent, down to Earth sorta' guy. Still wanted BJ to whoop him though... ;)

Which he did...Easily... I can't break the fight down. I was in my cups a bit by the time the thing finally finished, but I can say it was a little how good BJ Penn really is. Jens was outclassed, which is tough to do with a fighter of his caliber. BJ submitted him quick and without too much trouble. The guy is a really fucking good fighter. He's sharp, always thinking and just flows.

It was a short fight, without a lot of the leather slinging fireworks some fans dig, but it had all you could hope for if you're a fan of the art side of mixed martial arts. "Prodigy" fits him.

Until next time...


Friday, June 08, 2007

Have I Taken a Blog of Chastity...?

Where's the love?

If you just searched for the sound a penis makes, or something related to the word "butthole" or information on how to give a blowjob, you're sorta' in the wrong blog, but before you go, the least you could do is leave a comment.

Before you click that ad over on the right with the chicks scrolling past that allegedly live in your neighborhood and want to meet you for sex, add a comment! BTW, they really do want to meet you and it's all free (women are never free).

Look, take the Ocean's 13 post below. Sure, it's not the movie you were looking for when you clicked whatever you clicked, but Brad's in that and he's nailing Angelina.

How many of you want to bang Angelina Jolie and her big fat felatio lips? Anyone? Then the least you could do is leave some inane "brad pitt is a lucky fuck!" comment.

Before this goes too far, I'm not actually looking to cater to you lot, I just think if you're going to go traipsing through my pad looking for...well, quite frankly, weird sounding porn, I'd like you to at least tip your hat and say hello.

While I have your attention, anyone watch that crap Pirate Masters tv show? I ask you, how does that blonde chick expect that little bikini top to survive even past the first couple episodes? She's asking way too much of it...

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Ocean's 13

It's not even out yet, but a few lucky bastards were at Cannes or some such and saw Ocean's 13 before the rest of us. I say "lucky bastards" not because I'm itching to see the movie, but because they were at Cannes and I wasn't - bastards!

Anyway, George Clooney is one of the few actors I actually like.

Matt Damon is... Nah, too easy. I'll leave him for the rest of you.

Brad Pitt seems to have got the idea that he needs to overact just about everything, but the ladies like him.

Al Pacino gets far more credit than he's due. I mean I can't honestly say I've seen him play a character other than Al Pacino since Taxi Driver, and that was De Niro! Okay, maybe I'm being overly harsh, or really thinking of a fictional Pacino / De Niro lovechild. I'll let it go...

Who else we got? Elliott Gould is back and Shaobo Qin (that little Asian acrobat dude from Ocean's Eleven).

Why am I not talking more about the meat of the matter? Weren't you reading above?

I wasn't at Cannes, remember? I haven't seen it yet... You're somewhat thick, aren't you?

I've read elsewhere where others have called it a crap film, but I have to ask them; it's a sequel of a sequel of a remake, what the hell did you honestly expect?!?! Lowered expectations always improve the entertainment value of movies you know might suck. Always!

Penis Hero

[EDIT]Hey, barely been up a day, and hardly dugg at all, but looks like I've been quoted at the Ocean's 13 DVD website! Eat that IMDB! Those guys must be desperate for blogs on Ocean's 13...[/EDIT]


Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Rat-Dog Drops Paula Abdul

Weekend update:

In an effort to avoid podgy little Tulip the chihuahua, a rat-dog of the small and squidgy variety, Paula Abdul took a nose dive, literally. She broke her nose and toe, as well as bruised her arm, hip, waist and chest.

God, imagine the mess if one of those things had popped!

Her rep was quoted by E! (no, I won't link to that crap) as saying:

"She tripped to avoid stepping on Tulip, one of her Chihuahuas. She is fine. This will have no effect whatsoever on her appearance on American Idol tomorrow and Wednesday for the finale."

Oh good. Idol wouldn't be Idol without Paula's unique brand of syrup. And after all, it's the finale! Who gives two shits? I'm not really sure, but someone must watch it...

So what is the moral of this story? Is there one, or am I just being a dick?

Mostly being a dick, truth be told, but it does illustrate the dangers of owning squashy little doglets (perhaps they'll be banned in the UK), that or Paula Abdul was really thrown down the stairs in a drunken fight with fellow has-been Whitney Houston. I'll leave the speculation up to you gossip hounds.

Maybe she was hopped up on pet meds...


Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Portland Gets #1 NBA Draft Pick!

Can you say wooooo hooooooooooo! Portland fans rejoice! The #1 NBA draft pick is a sweet sweet end to a pretty sour day.

With the number one pick, the Portland Trailblazers will likely take Greg Oden, a big man that brings a big impact to the game, a pick that would really round out the young, talented squad we have.

My prediction for a team with Roy, Aldridge, Randolph and the rest of the crew, plus Greg Oden: Playoffs baby!

Things just keep getting better up in PDX, so the rest of the Western Conferrence better be on their toes. We had a rough season in the middle this year and still scared a few teams. Next season is playoffs time.

#1 draft pick!

I just hope they don't trade the pick...


Thursday, May 17, 2007

The World Through Google's Eyes

Google, in less than a decade has beaten the hell out of its competition in the search space. First it pushed Inktomi out of the Yahoo backfill deal and then slowly proceeded to castrate AltaVista, Excite, Infoseek (now Go), Yahoo (back stabbers) and MSN.

So how did they do it? Some would say higher quality search results, and back in the old days that may have been true. Larry and Sergey were some smart cookies, and developed an interesting new spin on ranking search. Off page criteria burst onto the scene and Google, with its simple, clean user interface quickly pushed the portals out of the sandbox, but what about today? Is Google still king of relevance?


Let's look at the world through Google's eyes. The best way to do that is by looking at the searches visitors to this blog used to find it on Google. This should tell us what Google thinks this site is about, right? At the very least it could prove mildly amusing to see what people actually search for online...

Remember, these are the actual searches that sent recent visitors to Penis Hero.

Google searches (two AOL powered by Google searches included):

12 year old buttholes
januvia glucose days wash out

Okay, so I blogged about the botnet asshats who shut down my DNS provider and used that apparently hugely popular word in the blog title, and I've blogged about Januvia as well, but by these results it looks like Google is seeing the world through brown stained glasses. In Google's eyes this site is almost entirely about buttholes (probably even more so after this entry goes live).

I'm not sure these results are in keeping with Google's early search relevance dominance. Remember, they became king of a tribe of mega-tech, dot com giants in the search space, literally crushing 800 lb gorillas under their geeky boots because they returned relevant results without a lot of fluff. Today they're no longer all about search, and to be honest, the results have suffered. Five years ago the referring searches to this page would've been more relevant. Google is slipping and the door is open for the next pair of college kids to come along and slam it in the big G's face.

In fairness, Yahoo isn't doing much better, but at least they mostly caught on to a more relevant body part...

Yahoo searches:

fatso penis
penis sound insertion
suck press penis
big black buttholes

Call this a stupid, pointless exercise, say there's no SEO relevance whatsoever, call me a heretic for being critical of G, but I say that Yahoo just beat the pants off of Google for relevant results... Well, sorta'...


America's Next Top Eating Disorder

What do you mean Jaslene?!?! So America's next top model is going to inspire young girls the world over to stick their fingers down their throats and blow chunks after every meal?

I'm sorry for being crass, but Jaslene is too skinny. She borders on unhealthy looking, and unless heroin chic is attractive, I just don't see it. She took a few nice pics, okay, some were great pics, but only in the face. The rest of her looked too angular and skeletal in pretty much every frame. Big elbows and bony knees with pelvic bone stretching the skin - eek!

Now Natasha Galkina, that girl was hot, ate the camera and got better and better as the "cycle" went on. So she was awkward in shooting from the hip in her commercial. It's not like she's a native speaker. Jaslene on the other hand sounds like a gangsta' hoochie. All in all, I think Natasha would have continued to get better and better, and would've turned out to be the first star to come of the show. Jasleen will be just another girl you don't hear from until next season.

Renee probably won the show as far as quality of work produced during the show goes, but she was a bitch and probably did shoot too old for a future with the likes of Seventeen magazine. She'll have a successful career though, as will Natasha. Jaslene will as well. She'll be an inspiration for young girls to develop eating disorders for years to come...

Tyra this season was her usual egomaniacal, let me be the next Oprah, oh my god, what is she wearing, every episode must mention "Tyra" in audio and video at least 30 times self we've grown accustomed to. I still like her SI days though... ;)

Miss Jay, please learn to dress yourself. The ruffled collar did nothing for you.

The rest of the cast did pretty well for themselves. Glad they didn't have that one dark haired ex-model bitch on again. What's her butt? Or at the very least, I'm glad I missed the episode if she was. Her lips look like she's been stung by a bee...

Okay, that's my America's Next Top Model rant for the season. Don't even get me started on Yauman not winning Survivor...